What I've Learned in 15 Years of Marriage
Toby and I just celebrated our 15th anniversary. I have been married for 15 years. It’s hard for me to believe it. It feels like a lifetime ago that Toby and I started dating. So much life has happened. Does anyone else stop and just say, “Wow, this is my life. This is my husband and these are my kids. This is my house, these are my things, this is my life.” Not in a bad way, but in a surreal way. Sometimes my mind can’t keep up with all the life that has been lived. I remember my college years like it was yesterday. I don’t pine for them, I miss them, but I don’t long for the years gone by.
15 years is an accomplishment! At least in my eyes it is. I have friends and family members that had to go through nasty divorces and I realize that I could have been one of them too. Toby and I have had some rough years. Years that I wasn’t sure we would make it. Taking two lives and trying to make them sync up into one is not easy. It gets messy and chaotic and sometimes we are pulling into two different directions.
We fought those bloody battles and chose to keep fighting for what we believed so strongly in 15 years ago.
So how did we do it? How did we get to 15 years still standing?
The only answer I keep coming back to is that we fought. We fought those bloody battles and chose to keep fighting for what we believed so strongly in 15 years ago. We have been through the good times and bad, through sickness and health. We have changed, OH how we have changed! But we haven’t changed so much so that we can’t recognize who we fell in love with, but we have had to learn and relearn each other so many times. We have had to make allowances for the growth that has taken place. We have had to constantly remind ourselves of all the quirky and lovely things that we fell in love with.
We look at where we have been and try our best to point our compasses in the same direction. We learn from the past mistakes, which are many, but the forgiveness and love has been more.
We have two beautiful daughters and 7 foster babies that bind us together. I could find 100 things that make it hard to fight for a marriage, but I can find 1000 reasons why it’s worth it to keep on.
If you are married, always take stock of where you are, but always go back to what it was that made you fall in love in the first place. Look at pictures or videos if you have them. Watch yourself together in the beginning and remember why you said, “THIS is the ONE! This is the one that I want forever with.” Marriage is NOT easy. I haven’t met one couple that has ever said marriage is the easiest thing. You will fight for all the things that drive you crazy, you will scream and cry and feel helpless sometimes. Your spouse will hurt you, because they are human. But when you can also fight for each other, fight for your love and life together, you will find yourselves on the same page again. You can each others worst enemies, or biggest allies. Toby and I have been both. But the thing we never stopped doing, was fight.
Remember that you will change just as much as your husband/wife. Give each other room to grow and change. HELP each other try new passions and dreams. Take the journey together! My marriage is FAR from perfect. We do NOT have it all together. We still fight against each other all the time, because we are two different people with two different ideas and we both think we are right. However, we always fight for each other in the end. I’m looking forward to another 15 years with him.
Keep fighting for your marriage. Get your 15, your 30 and 50 years.