When You Start To Lose Your Wonder
may we never lose our wonder*
wide eyed and mystified
may we be just like a child
staring at a the beauty of our king
Hope is a risky thing. Expectation, when life has taught us time and time again that it is a foolish endeavor, well sometimes it feels downright ridiculous. When I wrote my last blog, I touched on the word “expectation” and how I felt like God was asking me to enter this year with open eyes, expectant to receive the good things He has for me.
But what does that look like when you still get bad news? When the very things you’ve longed and pleaded with God for come back with a resounding “No”? Is it still foolish to hold onto expectation, or are we just gluttons for punishment?
The thing is, hope does not exist to turn all the no’s into yeses. We don’t commit to expecting good, time and time again, because we have deluded ourselves into believing that nothing bad will ever touch us. We do it because it’s what makes us human. Hope is what separates us from empty shells.
To walk through life expectantly is to be able to tell that when the plot thickens and turmoil hits, the story isn’t over yet.
When I wake up in the morning, I don’t know what the day will bring. But I have a choice. I can close myself off and numb myself to the pain that exists in the world, but to do this I am inadvertently shutting out the good emotions with the bad because callousness makes no distinction. Or, I can do what some consider to be the childish, foolish thing (although I will argue that it is actually the brave choice) and that is to wake up with open hands, ready to receive whatever lies ahead.
I can continue to hope and believe that the best is yet to come and that whatever arrows get thrown my way are no match for a God who isn’t finished writing my story. I can chant truth and collect moments of gratitude and work hard to stay vulnerable and soft because the other option is to be inhuman, and when given the choice, I choose to be alive.
I’m slowly learning through experience that expectation is not a fast pass to endless favor and happiness. To walk through life expectantly is to be able to tell that when the plot thickens and turmoil hits, the story isn’t over yet. Goodness may not surround me at every turn, but at the end of the day, it IS my portion and the joy Christ makes available cannot be taken, no matter what the cost.
So if you’ve felt like you’re beginning to lose your wonder, like it’s only a month into 2019 and your plans have already been thrown a major wrench, please keep hoping. Keep believing that good is coming, and regardless of your current circumstance, there’s still reason to wake up every day with expectation.
*quote by Bethel Music