Imagine having your whole life under a microscope. I mentioned this in my last blog. I said I didn’t care, because I don’t have anything to hide. The truth is, I do care. Not because I really have anything to hide, but because I’m terrified I will be found wanting. That some part of my life will make them change their minds about letting us raise another child. My husband and I made a promise to be brutally honest throughout this whole process. Not even a little fudge of truth. I mean bare your soul, no holds barred, kind of honest. In doing so, I feel extremely vulnerable. It’s tempting to pretend like I have it all together. That my house is always clean, the dishes are washed and there aren't seven loads of laundry that have to be done….at one time. And for heaven's sake, DON’T LOOK UNDER THE COUCH!!
I was reading back over the first three blogs and I was amazed at how much it seems like we have it all together. That we are all floating through life on some amazing cloud. We aren’t. Life is messy and hectic for all of us. Jana gets the pleasure of watching Cyrus when Alyssa goes to school; this is on the days she isn’t building her counseling practice. And she’s a stellar wife during all of that. Alyssa is a full time student, wife and mom. She spends a lot of time with Jesus, and if she didn’t, she would come unglued.
As for me, I homeschool my 4th and 6th grader, try and clean the house a couple times a week and be a good wife. And none of us are perfect at any of that. We fail, daily. A lot of the time the dishes don’t get done, the house doesn’t get cleaned and we’re just happy to push the pile of laundry off the bed and crawl in at 10PM at night. And to all of you working moms, I applaud you! I got nothing on you.
When I look outside and I see our chicken coop, and I see everyone gathered around talking and playing, those are my happy moments. They aren’t near enough, because life is happening. I say all of this because everyone likes to act like everything is always great, put together and running smoothly.
What would it look like if we were really honest about how hard some days are? Would we be able to see our neighbor and laugh about how we would rather hang in a hammock than fold laundry? Would we admit to a friend that we really just need a break, because it’s true when they say, ”adulting is hard?” Why do we hide behind fake smiles and overenthusiastic waves? Why do I have to be so worried about having someone come to my home and inspect my life? Why can’t I just embrace it and do my best?
I would challenge us all to stop pretending and start sharing. Let your people help you walk through life and carry some of those burdens. This is the heart of what The Space We Share is all about. We lean on each other, and we get messy together. Let your house be a mess for a day or so, go have a cup of coffee with a friend and just share life. Don’t be afraid of what your neighbor or friends, or case manager will say when they see your house. Just tell them we’re busy living. We’re busy making memories.